I figure I'd start it up...

There have been too many articles, comments, posts and such that I have read without dwelling too entirely much into them. One of these particular sites is sometimes so utterly ridiculous that I can't get angry, I have to laugh.

A hot button topic in the parenting world is circumcision. A piece of skin has become the cause célèbre of many a mother and even a few fathers thrown in for good measure. One camp holds the view that circumcision is a necessity. The reasoning of this particular camp is backed by studies that circumcision reduces the risk of penile cancer, UTIs, infection, phimosis, etc.

The other camp holds the view that circumcision is in fact, "mutilation," "genital mutilation," and some have gone as far as calling it child abuse. There was a particular post I read, submitted by a woman who stated that if one chooses to circumcise your son, it's better to abort him. This woman clearly needs mental help.

There does exist a third camp. This camp is made up of women who live their lives everyday loving their children just as much as other women do, regardless of their agendas, points of view, etc. These women couldn't care less about anyone else's foreskin outside of their sons' and perhaps their husbands. These women don't have time to attack other women for their choices in parenting. These women don't care what you feed your infant as long as you feed your infant.

The human need to compete and excel against each other thrives more than ever before on the internet. Specifically it's found its home in the social networks and forums within the world wide web. What once was praise and admiration that was gained by friends who had children and maybe even a parent if they got lucky, has turned into the need of acceptance and praise of multitudes of other women who have children or otherwise a very creepy, unhealthy obsession with baby foreskins.

The women who are anti-circumcision are not all this insane you see. There are those women who prefer not to have their own sons cut, but they do not find the need to post their disgust, scorn and judgmental vitriol on a public forum. I find that a lot of these judgmental women are first-time mothers. This is somewhat of a surprise and an insult.

I blame Rikki Lake and Dr. Sears. Rikki Lake is responsible for a piece of propaganda titled, "The Business of Being Born." I watched this documentary because I wanted to see what the buzz was about. I found it to be filled with information, some questionable, some reasonable. However, the issue I had with this film was the fact that Ms. Lake used emotions, children, childbirth, scare tactics and rapid-fire "statistics" to convince those that witness this spectacle that hospitals are evil and doctors are the boogeymen out to harm poor women and unborn babies.

People forget apparently that Rikki Lake had a talk show back in the 90s that was just about as bad as Jerry Springer.

Watching "The Business of Being Born" though, seems to grant those that quote it, a PhD in all things regarding birthing, parenting and apparently knowledge of the world in general. It also seems to entitle those viewers with the right to judge, insult and accuse parents who do not practice "natural child birth" (as opposed to unnatural childbirth?), breastfeeding, circumcision, co-sleeping, and at times, cloth diapering. Mind you the film only talks about child birth and how hospitals and doctors will try to get women in and out of the hospital bed to make a buck. Doctors will do c-sections because they want to go home and don't want to wait around to deliver these babies (funny, with two of my births, my doctor was at home when I was in labor and was called in when I was ready to push, from home she instructed the nurses and everyone did great!).

Ina May Gaskin is the messiah of childbirth without intervention. She's well educated and has an honorary PhD. She belongs to what some would call a cult. "The Farm" is a commune that has existed since the 60's. Her husband, Stephen Gaskin founded this commune. There are of course, those who have had less than pleasant experiences with "The Farm" as expressed on this webpage;

Second Sight Research

Ms. Gaskin is someone that is at the forefront of "natural child birth." She is a well-intentioned midwife who inspires those women who want to take their child birth to a "spiritual" level in their own way. The commune's rules circle around non-violence. Why then, do the followers, believers and readers of these books, doctrine and movement feel the need to judge everyone who does not have the same point of view? Granted, not all of the followers of this movement are judgmental and bitter.

Circumcision has been called "child abuse" repeatedly. New mothers are immediately swarmed with propaganda about circumcision, epidurals, c-sections, breastfeeding and co-sleeping (I'm sure there's more I'm forgetting). These new mothers are led to believe that if they don't dedicate 100% of their time to doing all of these things for their child, then they are BAD mothers. Is it any wonder why some women suffer from Post Partum Depression?

Formula is a great alternative to breast milk. I have breastfed all of my children, but I did supplement both my boys for a few days as I got the hang of breastfeeding with my first son and then to heal from cracked nipples with my second son. I wouldn't hesitate to give any of my children formula if necessary. I don't judge those mothers that choose to formula feed their children because I don't know their situations and most importantly, it's NONE of my business.

I see comments from women and have been at the receiving end of some of these comments, judging me for choosing to have my sons circumcised. One of the women that decided she would judge me for circumcising my sons and any future sons has her own little girls' ears pierced, yet she also believes in "His body, his decision, not yours." What about those little girls' decisions to have their ears pierced? I would like to mention that my daughters' ears are pierced as well.

The negative comments, insults and accusations seem to be coming from the same general demographic. I am not saying all women who hold these beliefs are from this demographic, nor am I saying all women from this demographic hold these beliefs. They seem to be the stay at home moms, Christian, many of them first time mothers. Then you have the random males joining anti-circumcision debates, breastfeeding debates, etc. That's fine and dandy but ask yourself the motivations of some of these people?

All I'm seeing is judging, mean people. I wanted a natural birth with my first son. I didn't get that natural birth because he was 8 days overdue, the placenta was maturing and my amniotic fluid was low. The doctor asked me if I wanted to be induced, I told her yes, if it was her professional opinion that I should be and we did it. I was given pitocin, went through agonizing labor and finally begged for an epidural. The staff was refusing to give it to me and I was even told to be quiet because I was scaring other mothers on the floor. When I was given the epidural, things changed fast. I was happy, I could enjoy my labor and when I had my son, though the epidural had been turned off so I could push, I felt great relief and it was the first happiest day of my entire life. I don't mourn the fact that I didn't have a natural birth, I don't feel traumatized by my birth experience. Things happened, they had to be taken care of in a certain manner and they were.

There are a lot of women who HAVE had unnecessary c-sections, traumatizing birth experiences and careless doctors and my heart goes out to them. However, those women who believe they know more than every doctor period need a reality check. All doctors don't sit around and plan how to harm pregnant women and their babies. They went to school for this and you'd best believe that unless you're a doctor yourself, you're not going to know more than all of them, period.

I personally chose all my inductions (2 of them medically necessary) and I don't regret any of them. I made the best choice for myself and my children, all of whom are healthy, thriving, beautiful and intelligent. None of them cry to me asking me, "Mommy, why did you circumcise us? You took our choice!" or "Mommy, why did you have us induced? We were so comfortable!" Same goes for women who choose to have cesarean sections. Those of you that have, please let me know in comments if your kids have questioned you as to why you had a c-section and if you ruined their lives in the process, thank you in advance! I would like to add that both my sons had this to say when I read to them the circumcision debate, "They need to ease up off our junk and worry about more important things in the world."

I mentioned the demographics that I observed of these judgmental women above. I failed to mention those women in horrible marriages or relationships. A lot of them have lost all sense of themselves and seek to identify with something, anything that will give them a sense of control. Parenting is the ticket. These husbands neglect, sometimes abuse (in any form) or abandon these women. Their anger and frustration can not be directed to these men for fear that if they stand up for themselves it will be over. This is called co-dependency. It also means that these mothers grow so very attached to their children because they feel abandoned by their significant others and the emotional ties need to go somewhere. These children are said to be smothered.

I don't have a problem with attachment parenting. As a matter of fact, I co-sleep, breastfeed on demand, baby wear and refuse to let my kids CIO (cry it out). What I have a problem with is those judgmental people (at the risk of sounding redundant) that feel the need to judge other moms like myself who don't feel the need to smother our children and dictate that parenting can only be done in ONE way. These women call all the rest of us "sheep" and yet they seek labels, groups and peers to define themselves and be rewarded.

I posted someone's statement in a social networking site which was a woman who saw a delivery of formula to a neighbor and she planned on throwing it out. Instead, she left a note on the woman's door that stated that breastfeeding was best. Why would she do that? Does she know if the woman medically can not breastfeed? Does she know if the woman didn't adopt? More importantly, was it any of her business or right to step on someone else's private property to provide them with unsolicited advice for her own political agenda and so she could run home to the social networking site and type as fast as her fingers could her deed for the day? She thinks so, and she got the pat on the back and the treat she was longing for from her peers, perhaps because her husband plays video games all day, is a workaholic or simply stands his ground on his own beliefs and that doesn't sit well with her.

Another woman (not so oddly enough on the same site) stated that if women were going to have their boys circumcised, it was better that they aborted them. This was just a disgusting statement that none of the "gaggle" seemed to have a problem with. The hypocrisy is thick as well. Another woman posted that she felt "attacked" by those that don't like NIP (nursing in public) and the responses basically told her that she shouldn't feel bad, it's her choice how she feeds her child, and no one should judge her. Speaking out of both sides of your mouth, eh? I find it silly and very amusing that all of these "groups" and their self proclaimed "causes" keep me entertained for hours. After all, this blog would probably not have existed had it not been for them.

To all of you ladies out there who think you're a better parent than the rest of us for the above reasons, thank you! This stuff writes itself.

To all of you ladies who are taking it one day at a time, making the best choice for YOUR children regardless of what it is, I raise my glass to you!

Until next time, same bat time, same bat site!